Why I am: at Thirty-Two

A poem to myself for my birthday in no particular style...

I am thirty-two because my parents loved me into being.

I am thirty-two because I love being.

I am thirty-two because.

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And that's really all that matters, isn't it? That someone loved the idea of our potential to bring us into being. That we then loved our own potential to keep being. And that the universe is our potential - in fact, it's all of our collective potentials. What a wonderful feeling. By the way, that 'loved me into being' bit is taken from Fred Rogers' academy award acceptance speech and it has stuck with me ever since. 

When I originally sat down to write this post I thought I was going to tell you about this soul-quenching, emotional a-ha moment I had this morning and how it came about and what it means to me, etc. I wrote half a page of text but didn't feel anything. It's true that I had such a moment at 5:30 this morning but writing about it didn't evoke any kind of emotion at all other than boredom. I either haven't found the right words to capture the experience or it's not meant to be shared...yet. So, I deleted it and started over. 

I re-read what I had titled this post and immediately a poem came to mind and I got a little choked up. It felt right. So it didn't get deleted. 

It makes me wonder: how often do we do or say things that aren't true to our real selves? How often do we say things just to say things without really saying anything? Why do we do that? Why is it so easy to do that and why is it so difficult to be 100% authentic? This is why I suspect my story about my a-ha moment didn't come to fruition: I hadn't found the golden nugget of truth that is worthy of sharing yet. I'm not yet ready to share that much of myself and so I opt for saying nothing at all.

Why. Draft #2

To empower others so that they discover & cultivate their strengths & passions.

Yesterday's partner exercise was an experience unlike anything I've ever, well, experienced. And it was one of the most valuable self-reflective exercises I've ever done because I don't think I've ever worked with an objective partner who repeats my stories back to me, asks thoughtful clarifying questions, all for the benefit of identifying patterns both in speech and body language which, through a few minutes of discussion leads to new insights! I imagine this is what a good therapist is like! 

To recap the assignment, Part two of the Learn Your Why course required me to tell six stories, which were identified in Part one, to a more-or-less unbiased partner who was neither family nor close friend but who was an effective listener and with whom was someone I felt comfortable enough to share these stories. 

One by one I told my stories to James (friend/colleague/acquaintance) and after each story James asked really thoughtful clarifying questions which helped me identify what specifically in each situation lead me to feel the emotions I recalled. This proved to be the golden ticket - as we found out in subsequent tasks. By the way, when Simon Sinek says it'll take 10-15 minutes per story, believe him. 

After telling my first story, I hit my stride where I could talk freely, only consulting my notes to make sure I touched on all the emotions I initially recorded in Part one. I had to catch myself a couple of times when I would go off on happy tangents (spoiler alert: one of my stories was about my trips to Maine with my eldest sister, Christen, and my Uncle Willie) that had nothing to do with the specific event I was supposed to be talking about. All in all, telling all six stories, including discussion after each one, lasted approximately 90 minutes. 

Then James and I, thanks to his ample and detailed notes, worked together to identify themes across all my stories: topics and phrases that kept repeating. This was very telling - not surprising - but very telling. This exercise helped validate what James was hearing because as he called out the themes, to most of them I confessed, "Oh yeah..." (as in "yup, that's 100% true." Cue Yello's Oh Yeah). 

The subsequent tasks required us to combine themes that may be related so we had at least 4 but no more than 6 themes to choose from, themes that I viscerally (to use Simon's word) agreed with. We ended up with four themes, two of which I felt were super strong, they really captured my essence. Next, as Simon talks about in his book, we had to separate out the Whys and the Hows. "Simon Sinek, you magnificent bastard," James reveled as the onscreen Sinek described this process. By then, however, I felt sure I knew which one was my why. I had no doubt and James agreed. Even though there were two strong why-possible themes, one encompassed the other so there was no question. 

We didn't have to do too much word-smithing, except for changing out one or two words we were on target and I felt elated. It felt right to say that I get up every morning to empower everyone so that they discover and cultivate their strengths and passions. 

Whether it's my family, my friends, my colleagues ... this holds true. I look for and identify everyone's strengths and then I mentally match them up with tasks or roles that would best first them depending on the situation. It's even better if I actually get to act on this match-making, but that's not always the case. This isn't something I was aware that I did but I truly do this, and it's almost automatic. The kicker is that I get really annoyed when others don't do this. For example, when people who don't have design experience tell my web designer friend how to design a web page. I think to myself, "We hired her because she's a web designer! Let her design the web page! She knows what she's doing so let's trust her!" Sometimes I voice this frustration and sometimes I don't. It all depends on the situation.

The reverse is also true in that I want to be empowered so that I discover and cultivate my strengths and passions. I don't know if that's a good check and balance for a Why. Maybe I'll learn about that in Part 3 but for now, Sinek says to sit with the Why and let it sink in for a few days before continuing with the course. 

For those reading who know me personally, I'll be interested to hear what you think. Does this ring true for your perception of me? Examples and explanations would be very beneficial!