Why the Dryer Shrinks My Clothes

I remember the first time I attended a book club discussion. 

It was about 4 years ago and I'm pretty sure we were discussing the book, Women, Food, and God.  At some point during the conversation we got on the topic of clothes not fitting. This was one of the first times I remember publicly coming to the realization that I don't think how most other women think - at least about my body.

I'll have to paraphrase because I surely can't remember who said what or how but someone at that book club discussion shared how she really did not enjoy wearing the pants she owned because they always fit tightly and that made her think she was gaining weight and that made her think that she'd have to go on a diet and exercise more...  I don't remember anyone at this gathering looking like she needed to shed a few pounds so, her comment seemed odd. Like, why would you think such a thing? But everyone else in the room shared her sentiments and I've come to learn that a lot of women have automatic thoughts like these.

At this point, I'm pretty sure I thought to myself, "Huh. This happens to me, too, but all this time I thought my pants were just shrinking in the dryer. I never suspected I might be gaining weight." 

I'm serious. Every time I put on a freshly pair of laundered pants I have to do stretch-out-squats so they don't look painted on to my ample thighs. After a couple of wearings - because I am not the type of person to wash a pair of pants after one wearing simply because I wore them - I no longer have to do squats anymore and they fit just fine. Never once did the thought occur to me, "Hmm, these are fitting pretty tightly; I better not go get that double fudge cookie dough blizzard from Dairy Queen." 

Cause I would never say that. Ever. 

I think I even shared my thought process with the group which lead into some interesting conversations about where we thought our perceptions came from, etc. I don't remember too much else from that gathering and it didn't become a regular thing for me but this awareness of these automatic thoughts we have stuck with me for a long time.

I think perception is a wonderful yet frustrating disability that we all live with and try to compensate for because if we were without perception, what would we be? 

So, maybe we can't not be perceptive but we can actively change our perceptions so, instead of automatically thinking that you've put on 5lbs, you could instead think, "I need to reduce the heat on my dryer settings." The last one is a lot easier to do and it doesn't make you feel bad about yourself. :) 

Have negative perceptions that you've turned upside down? Please share them with me!

Why We Live to Learn to Live

This essay addresses three points from the NPR article, In search of a science of consciousness” by Alva Noe which, in turn, includes pieces from Evan Thompson's book, Waking, Dreaming, Being.

1) Omniscient Consciousness

I am fascinated by the concept of consciousness and how it is reconciled with the concept of perception but I've never thought of it in terms of colors as Noe does in the article but what I have thought about is the popular belief that consciousness ends when we die. I don't believe it does. I believe consciousness lives in the formless and is ever-present regardless of our physical condition, although it may take on different states.

This analogy is old hat but consider the Sun. I like to think of consciousness as the Sun. Our perception of consciousness is how we experience the Sun on Earth. The Sun is always there, suspended in space, doing what it does but depending on where we are on Earth, we may not believe we are experiencing the Sun's presence. For example, when it's cloudy outside most of us would say that we aren't experiencing the Sun; we are experiencing the clouds obscuring the Sun but we don't say it that way. We just say that it's cloudy. A better example is when it's nighttime. Even with a clear sky, most of us would say that the Sun isn't present. But it is; it's just on the other side of the Earth. If it were totally 100% not present then we wouldn't survive.

I think our consciousness behaves the same way. Whether we're fully awake and lucid, or whether we're clouded by alcohol or mental illness, or whether our physical presence has ceased to be: our consciousness is still there.

Just because we aren't experiencing it doesn't mean it's not there.

2) The Meditation Irony

The article talks about Thompson's exploration into the meditative practices of certain Buddhist monks which is another fascinating concept for me. Although I don't practice strict Buddhist meditation – I don't really have a label for my practice - I found many of the statements to be true for me. That, “...focused attention practices...can be thought of as techniques for attending to features of experience to which we usually pay no attention...adept meditators can see and notice things we rarely ever do.”

However, I was disappointed that Noe didn't call attention to the ironic. What I find in strict, traditional meditation practices, is that we essentially deny our five physical senses their innate faculties. We close our eyes, we remove artificial sounds, we don't move and thus reduce our sense of touch, we aren't eating or drinking, and in most cases our sense of smell is dulled.

The ironic bottom line: the senses we use 99% of the time to perceive the world are actually impeding us from perceiving the truth.

Sensory Deprivation Tank: for those who want a taste but no committment

3) A Beautiful Idea

Noe ends the article with Thompson's notion that, in order for Western science to develop an “adequate phenomenology of experience” we need to collaborate with monks “to understand better the character of experience and, so, take the necessary preliminary steps toward a better science of consciousness.” Not having read Thompson's book yet, I am not sure how much he elaborates on what this collaboration would look like. I suspect, however, that it may be shortsighted for two reasons:

First, if Western science continues to perceive and label monks as 'special' then we'll never be on equal ground which I believe is essential to effective collaborations. In fact, I think monks would be the first ones to say that they aren't special. Anyone can do what they do. The difference is they are doing it while we stand around wishing we could do it rather than just sitting down and doing it.

Second, it's the fact that we aren't doing it (meditating) that I believe would be the largest impediment to a Western science collaboration with Buddhist monks. If we honestly want to take “the necessary preliminary steps toward a better science of consciousness” then Western scientists who want to study such a thing need to grab a cushion and sit the hell down and breathe. I've never had a conversation with a monk but I've had some pretty enlightening conversations with my teacher/mentor/master who is probably the next best thing to a monk and if anyone were to listen in on those conversations and they hadn't been meditating for a while, they would think we were talking gibberish. I think the same will hold true for the Western scientists who try to have these kinds of conversations with monks. There are just some concepts that require a different vocabulary and a different level of perspective. And if you don't have that vocabulary or experience, no one can impart them to you just by talking or coming up with clever metaphors. Yes, you may get the gist but you'll never know for sure.

It would be like learning a new language without ever reading, writing, or speaking it. Sure, you'd probably be able to recognize words when you heard them but could you truly communicate with another human being? At some point, in order to master a new language, you have to read, write it, speak it. Even then, some die-hard linguists would say that that's not even enough. You'd have to go even further and live it.

I think the same is true for what Western science is trying to learn from the monks. Until we live it, we won't learn it.  

Why it's OK to not like everyone

I have a theory as to why some people don't like me and why I don't like some people and why that's ok.

I call it the Mushroom Principle.

It's nothing personal. I just don't like mushrooms. But when I say, “I don't like mushrooms,” what I'm really saying is that mushrooms don't taste good to my tongue, nor do they smell good to my nose, nor look good to my eyes. I don't like anything about mushrooms in general. This doesn't make mushrooms a bad food, it just means that their essence (energy)  is not compatible with mine.

The same is true for me. I am someone's – or many people's – mushroom. For one reason or another, they don't like me and that's OK. We just aren't compatible. Our energies don't mix. This is true for me as well; there are some folks that no matter under which conditions I experience them, I just do not enjoy them. They are my mushroom. And that's OK, too.  

Then there are tomatoes. I don't like raw tomatoes by themselves but I do like raw tomatoes if they're in salsa. I also like tomatoes when they're cooked, sun-dried, or pureed into a sauce. Again, there are some people who don't enjoy me one-on-one but get me into a group with others and I'm tolerable – at best I'm enjoyable and at worst I'm hardly even noticed. Of course, the same is true for me, too. I have a couple of people who I call friends who we are no good together one-on-one; it's dead air when we're alone together but mix in a couple of other mutual friends and all is well. No big deal. I know this about us and I think my friend knows this about us so we can plan accordingly. It's nothing personal we're just each other's tomato.

Not liking something does not make it evil. 

So, if someone says, “I don't like mushrooms,” we shouldn't try to convince them that they will like them if only have a Portobello or if they have them stuffed or diced into tiny bits on a pizza. Chances are they've tried them a couple ways and have been sufficiently turned off that the thought of them is nauseating. If they're OK with not ever eating another mushroom for as long as they live then we should be happy for them for figuring that out.

It's OK to not like everyone, in fact I think it's pretty normal to not like everyone but somehow not liking everyone has become stigmatized and I'm not sure how that came to be. Faking liking everyone is worse, in my opinion, because then we lose our authenticity. 

*Disclaimer. I do not harbor any ill will toward mushrooms. I do not go around destroying all the mushrooms I see. Even when I'm hiking I step gingerly around them. I know that they do not exist solely to sour my pallet and so, we have a mutual respect. I don't bother them and in turn, they don't bother me. Same is true for the human mushrooms in my life. Just because I don't like someone doesn't mean that I treat them poorly. Respect is still essential because the human mushroom didn't ask to be my mushroom, if that makes sense. Remember, our innate essences (energies) just aren't compatible. It's not personal, it's no one's fault. It's just natural. 

The challenge: make a list of people in your life who you don't enjoy and figure out which food they equate to for you. Then absolve them of any wrongdoing because whatever it is they've done or haven't done, it wasn't personal. The next time you encounter them, just step gingerly around them and know that they're not being your mushroom or Lima bean or whatever on purpose and, remember that you're someone's Brussels sprout, too. 

Why We Are Fickle

I took a long walk with a friend over the weekend and during the 11-mile trek she asked me what I thought was the cause of our species' fickleness. For example, why one political candidate is nominated and hailed as great one year but eight years later is old news? Why do fads/trends come in and go out of style? Why are eggs good for us one year and bad the next, and then good for us again? Why are we so fickle?

Imagine a speed boat out on a huge lake. It's being piloted by someone who has the courage/gumption to follow a desire. It looks like fun so you grab the line and now you're skiing behind the boat. And it is fun. All you have to do is hold on while the pilot decides how fast to go, where to go, when to turn, when to stop.

This is why I think we're fickle. Because it is easy to let confident people make decisions for us rather than doing the work that allows us to confidently pilot our own boats. It's easier for the Political Party HQ to tell us who to vote for rather than doing the research ourselves and listening with an open mind. It's easier do what we can to fit in with what TVmedianewsFacebookTwittermagazines tell us we should be doingwearingthinkingeating than it is for us to be quiet with ourselves and to actually hear what our bodies need us to eat, what our hearts believe, and what our minds think. It's just too hard. It's too much work. It takes too long.

And so we strap on our skis and go along for the ride.

But what happens when we want to get off? What happens when we tire of skiing?

We do a couple of things:

1. We make the conscious decision to not play anymore, let go, and fall into the water.
2. We become discontented enough and maybe we grow some confidence and being to pull ourselves toward the boat until we are able to board the craft and take over as pilot.
3. We wait for another boat to come along and convince us it's better, throw us a rope, at which point we let go of the other one.
4. We hold on stubbornly becoming more and more tired and grumpy each day.

I think it's safe to say that most of us are guilty of No. 3 more than we are of the others. This is why I think we eat eggs one year and ditch them the next in favor of quinoa only to add them back in the following year while ditching coffee. We're just jumping from boat to boat because someone comes along and says, “hey, your boat is sooo passe. Why not ski with my bright new shiny boat? See all these other cool people who are skiing with me? Don't you want to be like them?”

This is starting to sound like an after-school special but I think there's truth in it.

So what's the answer?

Of course, I believe meditation is the answer.

Aka. The process of removing ourselves from the bombardment of mental, spiritual, and physical pollutants, that we subject ourselves to everyday in order to focus on the breath and to start the dirty work of cleaning out the energetic clutter that we've accumulated. We have to figure out what our anchor is, what is true for us. And when we find our anchor, those boats will still go zooming by us and we'll bob along in their wake, maybe even drift their way a bit, but we will not take the line. We'll stay anchored to our truths and not get swept away in someone else's current.

But don't take my word for it. Try it out for yourself and find out what's true for you.

Med-aphor: Yo-Yo Meditator

Meditation + Metaphor = Medaphor

Yo-Yos have a special meaning for my family and I. Let's just say I used to think I collected things, yo-yos being one of them...

It's only fitting that one of the medaphors that came to me has to do with yo-yos. 

A yo-yo represents the back and forth we go through during meditation. We yo-yo back and forth between mind and breath, mind and breath, mind and breath. Mind is when the yo-yo is closest to our hand (we get 'caught up' in our thinking) and breath is when the yo-yo is furthest away from the hand when its center is clear of almost all the string. 

At first, the yo-yoing is quick, the return from the breath to the mind is almost immediate and then eventually, we get caught up and the yo-yo stays in our hand. Till we realize it. Only then do we send it back down. The goal is to reverse this process: to live in the breath and to only bring our awareness back up to the mind when we intentionally call it.  

Haola Health & Wellness: Baby Steps

My SCORE mentor, who has been extremely helpful so far, gave me a bunch of homework to do which is GREAT because I had no clue where to start so, the tasks were welcome.

First assignment was to create a flyer for my business idea and then to share it out and get feedback. Here it is. Feedback away...

I am also in the process of finding a space where I can offer these classes. In addition to offering regularly scheduled classes at a set location, I really want to be able to go to people who can't come to me (i.e. home-bound, nursing homes, etc.) and also I want to be able to go into schools and workplaces. I think outreach health and wellness services are where it's at - or where it will soon be - plus, I think people are more likely to create regular at-home practice if they learn how to practice at home. Does that make sense? 

Possible spaces that I'm looking into include:

• The YMCA
• Hagerstown Community College
• The library (of course, but there may be some conflict of interest bits I'll need to navigate)
• Churches
• Fitness centers/Yoga studios
• Spas? 
• Doctors' offices/counselors' offices, etc. 

The other piece of research I had to do was into pricing models but you tell me, please, those of you who are reading this: which pricing model would you be more likely to commit to:

• The course model: you sign up for a 6-week course (i.e. Introduction to Qigong pt. 1) for which you pay a flat fee of $125. Six classes total. You can then choose to sign up for another 6-week course (i.e. Introduction to Qigong pt. 2), for which you pay the same fee. Etc. 
• The tuition model: you sign up for a one-year contract during which time you can take up to 3 classes per week at set days and times. You pay monthly $150. 
• The pay-per-class model: you show up at the advertised days and times and pay on the spot $10. No long term commitment. 

Are there other pricing models I'm missing? 

Other things I'm thinking about that maybe you can help with:

• Is it too soon to sign up for a PO Box for my business?
• Should I form an LLC first before all else? How do I do that?
• Should I go ahead and get a mock website up since I have the domain?
• Is there an order of operations that most start-ups follow because I feel like I'm kinda hen-pecking? 

Insights and guidance are welcome...

The Next Step

Haola (pronounced: how-la), means in Chinese: all is well, so be it. It is used as a chant in some qigong practices. Now, haolahealth.com is the URL of my dream business which will help me take my Why to the next step: the How. There currently is no website attached to this address but metaphorically speaking, I've bought the land and now I just have to build the house. 

First, some background. 

I've been thinking a lot about combining my personal meditation and qigong practice with my professional staff development experience into a small business that can help empower others to discover and cultivate their strengths and passions. 

But starting my own business is intimidating because I can't visualize the steps; I can see the beginning and the end but I have no clue what the middle looks like. Kinda makes me think of Bridges' work on transitions. 

So, here's what I've done so far to machete my way through the unknown:

• I talked with five friends who own their own businesses. Two who've been running their businesses for two decades or more, one who's been running her business for about seven years, and two who've been running their businesses for one year or less.
• In a long moment of insecurity, I considered getting an additional master's degree in health and wellness coaching. But in the process of reading about the industry, meeting and talking with an admissions counselor, talking with Grand Master, plus taking stock of my skills and expertise, I've decided against it. 
• My insecurity hasn't disappeared so, with Grand Master's help, I sat down and made a list of all the qigong techniques I know that I feel comfortable teaching to others and it filled more than one page. Confidence level increased a bit. 
• I drafted a 'curriculum' by arranging the qigong techniques I know from basics to intermediate to advanced. 
• I put in a request to SCORE for a small business mentor. Yesterday, I got a phone call from SCORE needing more info from me so they can match me with the right person. I should hear from someone by next Friday!
• Most recently, I decided on a name for my dream business - actually, I had decided on the name a long while ago: Haola Health & Wellness Studio - and bought the domain for it: haolahealth.com. The domain-buying bit happened today.

What's next? Well, meeting with the SCORE mentor is high priority and I'll also be working on a website and making a list of potential partners - people and events that would welcome my meditation and qigong chops. My immediate goal is to start in January teaching/coaching in the evenings and weekends so I can get a feel for my teaching/coaching style and to feel out my curriculum. These sessions could be a whole small group of 3-5 or they could be individual sessions. Since we're working with energy, the ideal is a combination of both: group and individual.

A more immediate goal would be to find a location for these sessions to occur so, I welcome any suggestions on that end. A couple friends recommended the library but since I am an employee I would have to talk with Admin to see about any potential conflicts of interest. Of course, I suppose I could always work with a library in a different county... Churches were also recommended. 

So much to think about but I'm getting excited to be making visible progress toward my goal. This is actually going to happen! I'm not sure what shape it'll take but it'll happen one way or the other! Wish me luck!