The Next Step

Haola (pronounced: how-la), means in Chinese: all is well, so be it. It is used as a chant in some qigong practices. Now, haolahealth.com is the URL of my dream business which will help me take my Why to the next step: the How. There currently is no website attached to this address but metaphorically speaking, I've bought the land and now I just have to build the house. 

First, some background. 

I've been thinking a lot about combining my personal meditation and qigong practice with my professional staff development experience into a small business that can help empower others to discover and cultivate their strengths and passions. 

But starting my own business is intimidating because I can't visualize the steps; I can see the beginning and the end but I have no clue what the middle looks like. Kinda makes me think of Bridges' work on transitions. 

So, here's what I've done so far to machete my way through the unknown:

• I talked with five friends who own their own businesses. Two who've been running their businesses for two decades or more, one who's been running her business for about seven years, and two who've been running their businesses for one year or less.
• In a long moment of insecurity, I considered getting an additional master's degree in health and wellness coaching. But in the process of reading about the industry, meeting and talking with an admissions counselor, talking with Grand Master, plus taking stock of my skills and expertise, I've decided against it. 
• My insecurity hasn't disappeared so, with Grand Master's help, I sat down and made a list of all the qigong techniques I know that I feel comfortable teaching to others and it filled more than one page. Confidence level increased a bit. 
• I drafted a 'curriculum' by arranging the qigong techniques I know from basics to intermediate to advanced. 
• I put in a request to SCORE for a small business mentor. Yesterday, I got a phone call from SCORE needing more info from me so they can match me with the right person. I should hear from someone by next Friday!
• Most recently, I decided on a name for my dream business - actually, I had decided on the name a long while ago: Haola Health & Wellness Studio - and bought the domain for it: haolahealth.com. The domain-buying bit happened today.

What's next? Well, meeting with the SCORE mentor is high priority and I'll also be working on a website and making a list of potential partners - people and events that would welcome my meditation and qigong chops. My immediate goal is to start in January teaching/coaching in the evenings and weekends so I can get a feel for my teaching/coaching style and to feel out my curriculum. These sessions could be a whole small group of 3-5 or they could be individual sessions. Since we're working with energy, the ideal is a combination of both: group and individual.

A more immediate goal would be to find a location for these sessions to occur so, I welcome any suggestions on that end. A couple friends recommended the library but since I am an employee I would have to talk with Admin to see about any potential conflicts of interest. Of course, I suppose I could always work with a library in a different county... Churches were also recommended. 

So much to think about but I'm getting excited to be making visible progress toward my goal. This is actually going to happen! I'm not sure what shape it'll take but it'll happen one way or the other! Wish me luck!

Why I am: at Thirty-Two

A poem to myself for my birthday in no particular style...

I am thirty-two because my parents loved me into being.

I am thirty-two because I love being.

I am thirty-two because.

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And that's really all that matters, isn't it? That someone loved the idea of our potential to bring us into being. That we then loved our own potential to keep being. And that the universe is our potential - in fact, it's all of our collective potentials. What a wonderful feeling. By the way, that 'loved me into being' bit is taken from Fred Rogers' academy award acceptance speech and it has stuck with me ever since. 

When I originally sat down to write this post I thought I was going to tell you about this soul-quenching, emotional a-ha moment I had this morning and how it came about and what it means to me, etc. I wrote half a page of text but didn't feel anything. It's true that I had such a moment at 5:30 this morning but writing about it didn't evoke any kind of emotion at all other than boredom. I either haven't found the right words to capture the experience or it's not meant to be shared...yet. So, I deleted it and started over. 

I re-read what I had titled this post and immediately a poem came to mind and I got a little choked up. It felt right. So it didn't get deleted. 

It makes me wonder: how often do we do or say things that aren't true to our real selves? How often do we say things just to say things without really saying anything? Why do we do that? Why is it so easy to do that and why is it so difficult to be 100% authentic? This is why I suspect my story about my a-ha moment didn't come to fruition: I hadn't found the golden nugget of truth that is worthy of sharing yet. I'm not yet ready to share that much of myself and so I opt for saying nothing at all.

Why. Draft #2

To empower others so that they discover & cultivate their strengths & passions.

Yesterday's partner exercise was an experience unlike anything I've ever, well, experienced. And it was one of the most valuable self-reflective exercises I've ever done because I don't think I've ever worked with an objective partner who repeats my stories back to me, asks thoughtful clarifying questions, all for the benefit of identifying patterns both in speech and body language which, through a few minutes of discussion leads to new insights! I imagine this is what a good therapist is like! 

To recap the assignment, Part two of the Learn Your Why course required me to tell six stories, which were identified in Part one, to a more-or-less unbiased partner who was neither family nor close friend but who was an effective listener and with whom was someone I felt comfortable enough to share these stories. 

One by one I told my stories to James (friend/colleague/acquaintance) and after each story James asked really thoughtful clarifying questions which helped me identify what specifically in each situation lead me to feel the emotions I recalled. This proved to be the golden ticket - as we found out in subsequent tasks. By the way, when Simon Sinek says it'll take 10-15 minutes per story, believe him. 

After telling my first story, I hit my stride where I could talk freely, only consulting my notes to make sure I touched on all the emotions I initially recorded in Part one. I had to catch myself a couple of times when I would go off on happy tangents (spoiler alert: one of my stories was about my trips to Maine with my eldest sister, Christen, and my Uncle Willie) that had nothing to do with the specific event I was supposed to be talking about. All in all, telling all six stories, including discussion after each one, lasted approximately 90 minutes. 

Then James and I, thanks to his ample and detailed notes, worked together to identify themes across all my stories: topics and phrases that kept repeating. This was very telling - not surprising - but very telling. This exercise helped validate what James was hearing because as he called out the themes, to most of them I confessed, "Oh yeah..." (as in "yup, that's 100% true." Cue Yello's Oh Yeah). 

The subsequent tasks required us to combine themes that may be related so we had at least 4 but no more than 6 themes to choose from, themes that I viscerally (to use Simon's word) agreed with. We ended up with four themes, two of which I felt were super strong, they really captured my essence. Next, as Simon talks about in his book, we had to separate out the Whys and the Hows. "Simon Sinek, you magnificent bastard," James reveled as the onscreen Sinek described this process. By then, however, I felt sure I knew which one was my why. I had no doubt and James agreed. Even though there were two strong why-possible themes, one encompassed the other so there was no question. 

We didn't have to do too much word-smithing, except for changing out one or two words we were on target and I felt elated. It felt right to say that I get up every morning to empower everyone so that they discover and cultivate their strengths and passions. 

Whether it's my family, my friends, my colleagues ... this holds true. I look for and identify everyone's strengths and then I mentally match them up with tasks or roles that would best first them depending on the situation. It's even better if I actually get to act on this match-making, but that's not always the case. This isn't something I was aware that I did but I truly do this, and it's almost automatic. The kicker is that I get really annoyed when others don't do this. For example, when people who don't have design experience tell my web designer friend how to design a web page. I think to myself, "We hired her because she's a web designer! Let her design the web page! She knows what she's doing so let's trust her!" Sometimes I voice this frustration and sometimes I don't. It all depends on the situation.

The reverse is also true in that I want to be empowered so that I discover and cultivate my strengths and passions. I don't know if that's a good check and balance for a Why. Maybe I'll learn about that in Part 3 but for now, Sinek says to sit with the Why and let it sink in for a few days before continuing with the course. 

For those reading who know me personally, I'll be interested to hear what you think. Does this ring true for your perception of me? Examples and explanations would be very beneficial!

Why I Haven't Written

Not my image. Borrowed from quotes.lifehack.org 

I don't want to be good at making excuses so, how about I explain rationalize why I haven't written in over a week?

For about three weeks or more I've been at an impasse with the Learn Your Why course. I finished part one but I needed a partner to complete part two. It's wasn't easy to find someone a) to whom I wasn't a close friend or family member, b) with whom I felt comfortable sharing some fairly emotionally-charged stories, and c) who I could count on to give me honest tough-love feedback, hold the sugar. 

I believe the universe helps guide me to the right people at the right time for the right purpose and so, when Annie and I couldn't find a date/time between our schedules I took the hint and accepted that maybe I needed someone different. "Am I being fired?" she asked. Yes. But not on merit - it just wasn't a good fit for our schedules and it's healthy to admit that rather than force the issue. Conversely, James responded right away and was available within just a couple days. Thank you, universe. 

By 5pm today, part two will be complete and I am so excited! I don't really know what to expect from this particular exercise but I hope it'll provide some insight and some guidance that I can use to work through my next steps. Of course, it'll give me more to write about so no more making excuses for me!

Why I'm Moving

Since 2000, when I moved from Maryland to Vermont to go to college, I have moved 10 times. 

And I'm about to move again. 

The decision came about during the first part of the Learn Your Why course - which I'm still taking, by the way -  and so, I reconciled my reasons for wanting to move with the draft of my Why, which I wrote about in a earlier post, to see if it passed the celery test. 

For context, let me tell you about the move and how the topic even came about. 

When I returned from my Maine vacation in the middle of August, I flipped through the junk mail to find a letter from the property management agency who runs the apartment complex where I currently live. The letter informed me that I had fourteen days from the date at the top of the paper to complete an early renewal form which would let me renew at these *special* early renewal rates, the 12-month rate being $50 more than my current rate. Of course, since I didn't get this letter as soon as it was mailed, I did not have the full fourteen days to make the decision so, I started thinking about moving and quickly let the 14-day window lapse. 

I thought about what it would take to get me to move again and with my boyfriend's help the reasons were:

1. Substantially more affordable than my current place. I'd have to save at least $100 per month in order to make the move financially smart. 
2. Within walking distance to work. 

But on top of those two qualifications was my Why. 

~ Every moment, every person, every experience is a learning moment. To not take a risk is to risk not learning something new, to not gain valuable insight that is as of yet undiscovered. ~ 

Moving brings several new moments and potentially several new people. Some folks would say living within walking distance to the library, living downtown, is a risk. 

So, I'm moving. Ryan, my Realtor-at-heart boyfriend, found me the perfect apartment only an eight-minutes' walk from work and which is substantially more affordable than my current place - plus, it has a bit more space! Lots of character (built in shelves and bookcases, turquoise bathroom fixtures, and a small bay window) and a large rooftop terrace (I laugh 'cause it's really just the flat roof that I have access to and very much plan to use). It's charming and unique and it fits my why. 

But the deepest, most meaningful reason why I'm moving (which makes me suspect my Why is something more than what I've written above) is because I believe in the downtown revitalization efforts that the city has been working on and that I've been hearing about for the past few years, and I want them to succeed. I agree that renovating the buildings and bringing in new businesses is key but what I believe is an even greater key is to have people living downtown who can support those restaurants, retail shops, museums, theaters, etc. after the 9-to-5 crowd clocks out for the day. As of November 1, I'll be able to say: I work downtown. I live downtown. I experience downtown. I learn downtown. 

Why 'Why?' is Scary

Classic Sesame Street: I Wanna Know Y! 

My friend, Sam, posted this video to my Facebook page a couple days ago. At first I thought there was a hidden message, as though asking why was a bad thing since the person asking was named Sinister Sam. But as the clip evolved I thought that maybe the message is that our first reaction to the question 'why?' is to be afraid (for no good reason other than the name of the dude asking is Sinister Sam) when in reality it's nothing to be afraid of at all. It's just Y. 

What I want to know is where did this fear come from? Why? is a reasonably valid question but it seems as though we react with fear more to this question than to any of the other of the 5Ws (Who? What? When? Where? ...and How?). Maybe that's just me...

However, I suspect it's not the question Why? that is scary but rather it's sharing the answer that is scary and so we tend to go on the defensive whenever anyone asks, 'Why?' The answer to a lot of Whys is personal and therefore shows our human side, our internal motivations, beliefs, convictions. What if someone disagrees with our answer? It feels as though they're disagreeing with us, with who we are, with our perspective. Or, maybe we don't know why and so we don't want to say that we don't know because then we look weak or unsure of ourselves. Conversely, when someone agrees with our Why we feel as though that person really gets us and that feels good and reinforces our confidence. 

When I contrast Why? with the other Ws I fail to experience the same reaction. Asking me what I'm going to do or when I'm going to do it or where, doesn't evoke the same response. Is this true for you, too? What do you think? Or is Why? not scary at all for you? Please share.

Why in Practice

I recently had the opportunity to practice starting with why in my role as conference director for the Maryland and Delaware Library Associations' Annual Conference. 

I had pitched the idea to the conference committee's top leadership (exec. directors, assistant directors, etc) of not printing our conference programs this year in favor of simply offering them online - with no change to the design, just abstaining from printing and mailing them. My original pitch was just that - no why to speak of other than the usual trap many of us fall into: to save money. 

This was not very inspiring nor motivating. But as I worked my way through Sinek's book and his course, and I started to see a draft of my why, I discovered my motivation for wanting to pursue this change and immediately I could feel it in my gut; it was the right thing to do. Now I just had to communicate that better. 

Here's how I did it:
[The actual text of the email]
>>

Long email ahead but it’s very important that you read and respond. I apologize for the very short notice but I have to give Margaret my final decision on 4pm on Monday, Sept. 8^th.

*Delaware friends: please forgive my overwhelming use of ‘MLA’ but it’s all I know in this context. My intention isn’t to exclude you, I just can’t speak for you. Please know that Cathay and I have spoken and she is supportive.

My motivation: I’ve been involved with MLA as an active member for 5 years but I’ve learned more in the last 18 months through participating in the most recent Strategic Planning Process. Based on the feedback we received from the strategic planning survey, I believe MLA members want to go further with technology efforts – and we have! The MLA Office received, and is using regularly a smart board which easily facilitated online meetings and Google Hangouts. They’ve also received an upgraded phone system, and more improvements are in the works. But I have a feeling that the membership is also ready for us to jump in feet first and boldly go where we haven’t gone before…

The proposal: I don’t want to print the conference program this year and instead only make it available via online PDF. The same PDF style we’ve used in past years (See 2014 Program here: http://bit.ly/MLADLAConferenceProgram). This will not change how people register for the conference. We will still print the small onsite conference program.

How we’ll make it happen: Timing and communication. Time is on our side because if we make this decision now, we have 5 months before registration opens to communicate this change, our motivation behind it, and our support for it. MLA has several strong communication outlets and I believe in the power of each and every one of them to spread the word: MLA Happenings, The CRAB, The Website, The Facebook Page(s), The Twitter Feed(s), The Listserv(s), Lanyrd, and all of us! I will also ask the Statewide Staff Development Coordinators to help us champion this change by spreading the word internally among their colleagues.

My request to you: I need to know that I have your support; that you can feel the fear and speak positively about it anyway. It’s perfectly ok to say, “Yes, I’m nervous about this but I totally support it!” Whenever we change from doing something the way we’ve always done it to doing it completely different, it feels very scary. And that’s ok. I feel the fear, too, but this seems so right that I’m willing to make this change but I need you to make it with me.

Julie

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After I waded through the emails from the committee members who were enthusiastically supporting this initiative (I received 2 phone calls from folks who were hesitant but not 100% resistant, they just needed more info) I made the final decision on Monday, Sept. 8th. Then I shared this decision with the membership at large. I used the same email with only a few changes to the wording to let them know that the decision had been made, the conference committee was in support of it, and that a communication plan was being put into place. I also wanted to encourage them to voice their concerns with me in case more information was needed.

Within the first hour of clicking the send button at 4pm I received 22 emails from the membership at large in support of this initiative and willing to help us spread the word to their colleagues. And I continued to receive more such emails this morning.

Many of the folks who've replied to my email thus far have felt this decision was kind of a no-brainer but having gone through the process of uncovering why I felt the way I did and why I wanted to make this particular change boosted my confidence and my ability to communicate with others why I felt this was so important. I think that passion and conviction comes through diplomatically yet strongly in my email and I'm proud to share my first Why in Practice experience with you and I hope to have many others.